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Habits are never alone: what coaching does with more than one habit

January is over, and so are many resolutions we made before it started. Fortunately, a lot of new habits are also formed (I’m lucky enough to see a few good changes happening around me, and to try them out myself). So what is it that really changes when we work on a habit? And should we really try to coach, develop or focus on just one habit at once?

1. The power of focus – why life coaching focuses on a single task

This should be good advice, and yet often you and I forget that: don’t try to change the whole world at once. Focus on one positive change and on what it means to you. That way, you will find out the goal you’re aiming for – and the best way to reach it. And that way, you’ll only have to worry about one thing. The question on my mind when I’m working on something these days is “will this get me closer to my dream for 2015?” – and if the answer is “no,” then I think twice about how busy I want to be when doing it. One goal, one vision, one focus. Leo Babauta can teach you more about this than I ever will, and I’m grateful I found him online.
However…

2. The power of “ecology” in life coach work – what is around your goal?

Focusing on just one thing should be easy. But it’s not. There is never “just one thing” for 99% of us, 99% of the time. Example: you want to quit smoking, that’s your goal. Great. But the side effects are: cravings, weight control, anger management, and the whole environment around your former bad habit. You can read more on why this matters – and how what’s around you can affect what you do.
For now, let’s agree on one thing: whether you work with a life coach or you do it alone, there’s never just one habit you will deal with – never just one change. Everything you do will affect somebody, make a part of your life different. That is how you can decide if a goal is worth pursuing, and good coaching will check the “ecology” of your goal: are you doing more good than harm?

3. The ecology of habits: what else are you changing by making just one change?

Your habit of staying away from smoking connects with your habit of drinking more water.

Your quest to speak more Spanish leads to an unexpected mission of becoming more outgoing and networking with a purpose.

By deciding to stick to a budget, you pick up an Excel-learning odyssey (without much choice but with surprising amount of joy).

There are many changes you make, every time you make just one change.

I prepared a worksheet for you on the BRAVE Academy. it deals with just that: imagining and describing a range of habits and changes. If you’re a member of the Academy, download it now – if you’re not, the best way to become one is to start your coaching today!

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BRAVE Blog

5 Questions and 10 Steps to Really Effective Language Sharing

wordlepngIn 2011, when I started writing on language learning, the online language exchange was doing well. In 2015, it’s doing phenomenally well – new ideas, websites and keen learners are to be found every day. How, then, can you ensure that what you share on language learning projects online leads to quality learning? Are there any guidelines to good foreign language sharing? Let’s try to find these out.

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8 Reasons to Love Translated Literature

wordle indiegogoThis is a post about books in translation, and about a question that doesn’t really need an answer: why is it important to read lots of translated books? I’m giving you eight answers – useful for foreign language learners and for literature geeks alike.

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BRAVE Blog

Kludge, Jugaad, Gung-ho: how to get really good at improvising

A TED talk I watched the other day made me realize something great: I am not alone in coming up with improvised solutions every day. In fact, all around the world companies, governments and individuals are learning to do more with less. Are you ready to learn about your attitude to improvising?

1. Perhaps life-hacking is not your thing

Not everyone enjoys impromptu solutions or thinking on the spot. This is also a valuable lesson to learn about yourself. Just because a term is popular – or because everyone else around you seems to enjoy doing it – it doesn’t mean that you have to pick it up as well.
I have prepared a BRAVE Academy worksheet to help you think deeper about the role of plans, improvisation and spontaneity in your life. This kind of thing takes a while, and your attitude may change – so take a few days to really think about how you complete it.

2. Think horizontally

One of the most important lessons from the TED talk – don’t just rely on getting bigger, more specialized, solving a problem with a narrow set of solutions. What else is there? Who else did this before? How can the problem be seen by others? In order to improvise, these questions should be sought, and actively asked – they may not offer ready answers, but the trick here is to keep searching and thinking until a new, creative perspective opens up.

3. Get a hobby

Working on something “on the side” helps you feel better about yourself. It increases your productivity. And when it comes to fixing, improvising and coming up with stuff on the spot, it becomes an enjoyable, low-stakes environment in which to try things.
I’ve been blogging and running websites since 2011. It is a fantastic way to learn about how web pages work (and, more often, how they DON’T) – and although it frustrates me sometimes, it’s still not my job – so anything I come up with is my own, and not hugely important.

4. Enjoy the ride!

Another TED talk to help you here: thinking about the power of “yet.” Whenever something breaks down or is in need of a fix, it’s more helpful to think of it as a situation that’s “not working yet,” or a problem that “hasn’t been solved yet.” This underscores the journey you took to reach this place – and the potential for you to take it further. Much healthier, in many cases, than emphasising the fact that “it’s broken,” or “I can’t fix this.”

5. Any more ideas?

If you think you’re good at learning and nurturing creative fixes, let us know. BRAVE now rocks on Twitter and Facebook – it would be good to see you there.

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BRAVE Blog

BRAVE Review: “Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom”

Overview: bell hooks writes about her true passions in this bold, honest book: learning and liberating. Written well before the 21st-century EdTech boom, this book advises every teacher, learner, coach and reader to return to the basics. Through engaged and fair dialogue, critical questioning, and recognising own voices, privileges, experiences and limitations, bell hooks paints a picture of a classroom where education can transgress, evolve and transform those who learn and those who teach.

What’s the Big idea?

The main models of learning things (it doesn’t need to be a formal schooling: a meeting, an online course or a work training all count) described by hooks are pitted against each other. The first one – she calls it the “banking” model of education – involves making sure information sits in learners’ minds, for easy retrieval whenever needed. Against this, she promotes another model of education – based on engaged pedagogy, it helps learners question, become vocal, and recognise their place in the learning conversation.

What is the Reality described?

Hooks writes of a late-1990s world, and of her upbringing in an America which was just beginning to overcome a long history of segregation. As such, her story does not fully encompass the digitally enabled/distorted learning in the 21st century. But this does not blunt the force of the analysis: hooks is at her most powerful when she illustrates – using women’s and racial minorities’ positions – the bias, imbalance and power struggle present in most classrooms, boardrooms and therapy rooms even today.

What Actions are considered?

The most memorable chapter of the book is hooks’ dialogue with a fellow educator – which works, because that is usually the way her class would be structured. Curiosity, self-criticism and openness to other perspectives were crucial for her approach to education, and for the whole engaged pedagogy in general. These three approaches – and conscious applications of them in every learning opportunity – would be the three starting points for action.

What are the Variations to reading this?

Paulo Freire is cited as a big influence in several places of the book, and his work is definitely worth considering. For a transition into a “wired” vision of education – and a critique of its shortcomings – Neil Postman’s books would be a good introduction. For a recent cricital work on pedagogy and education, Seth Godin’s “Stop Stealing Dreams” (FREE) is a good, if bitter voice.

What Effect is the book likely to have?

It’s theory-heavy, so “Teaching to Transgress” is likely to overwhelm you if you’re not used to a lot of theorising with your learning. But if you read carefully, both the book and the works around it (see above), you’re likely to emerge refreshed. Recognising your own power in every learning opportunity – alongside your privilege, your weaknesses and your “blind spots” – these are the outcomes bell hooks would probably aim for.

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Why “Whiplash” is both right and wrong about praise and criticism

The movie industry has finally done it: they came up with a film which may make me hate jazz for the rest of my life. And in the process, they managed to make me think about rewards and criticisms. How do these function in what you do?

I’m not going to spoil the story for you – the trailer for the movie is available to watch here (and, it being a jazz movie, “Whiplash” has a remarkable soundtrack too). The main thing you need to know is this: JK Simmons plays a music teacher from hell. For this guy, the two most harmful words in the English language are “good job.”

Speaking in a recent interview, the actor mentioned “a kind of numbness, a sameness, a lack of motivation” that pervades a culture which distributes praise too easily. Against this devalued, meaningless praise his character offers something quite nightmarish and bordering on sadistic. Punishment is not a good enough word for it: abuse, humiliation and violence would probably be close enough.

I’m not going to watch “Whiplash” for several reasons (the love I have for jazz is one of them). But I did watch the trailer, and I followed the argument presented above quite carefully. One thing I want to make clear: there is absolutely no way to justify anything that is done on screen by Terrence Fletcher, Simmons’ character. But his absurd methods and actions made me notice the absurdity behind empty praise – and the shock one may feel at being mistreated by unjust cricitism or abuse is, in “Whiplash,” contrasted with the disappointment and emptiness you feel when hearing an empty “good job” thrown your way.

So here’s a question for you: how does praise and criticism play out in your life? How do you do them – when you need to resort to some encouragement or critique? How do you react to them – when you’re on the receiving end of such words or actions?

I prepared a worksheet which helps develop this kind of thinking in a coaching or self-coaching process. It helps you look at patterns, phrases and emotions associated with praising or criticising in your life. The worksheet is available for BRAVE Academy learners. If you’re not a BRAVE client yet, head over and find out how to become one.

And if you’re just interested in thinking about it some more, here’s a project: spend the next 14 days actively noticing how you, and the people around you, work with praise and criticism. Is there something you’d change once the two weeks are over? Share this with me on Facebook or Twitter.