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Where does your own red carpet lead to – and where from?

How would you identify areas of your life where privilege, benefit and strength can be found?

How can you use these areas to affect the places around you which need more strength, influence and energy?

Will you spend your time coaching yourself within your areas of weakness – or will your coach be there to help you work from where your strength and comfort lies?

A few things happened this week that made me think of the questions above. There were the Oscars, and the Oscar speeches, and the way Jay Smooth summed up the hoopla around it in a kind, balanced and motivating manner (reminding me to practice the craft of getting good, instead of assuming I’m a good bloke). There was the “Homeless” collection launch – my short story got published there, and you can buy the book to support SASH, a charity fighting youth homelessness. I got the book last night and read through several stories.

Finally – this morning, we decided to stay in and cancel our plans as we weren’t feeling well. As we sat in our room, keeping warm and hydrated and listening to relaxing tunes whilst wrapped in our hoodies, I felt a bit like Luke Skywalker in his vat of healing bacta fluid. Then I realized: it’s actually just like that. This is my safe place. This is where my power regenerates, it’s where my thoughts regroup and my health improves. I have access to a lot of things here: safety, quiet, shelter.

You are reminded, day after day, how lucky you are to have the luxuries that surround you. There are quizzes like the one on Buzzfeed – there are websites like “If it were my home” – these function, ostensibly, to teach you about your fortunate status.

But they don’t carry the empowerment. They can’t inspire you to do something about it. Information will be useful to realize that you’re among the healthiest, luckiest, best-educated percentile. But the energy is yours to grow.

The reaction to wealth, fortune and opulence has traditionally been embarrassment (read Simon Schama’s excellent historical perspective on this). There’s another useful way to react, though: consciously using your resources to work on the areas where work is needed.

You can remember the good vibes from your dance class the next time you face a scary work colleague.

You can bring the experience, advice and security of your family home to your next community college meeting.

Your well-connected church members can be the best resource when helping your lonely neighbours.

Your good health will be needed when having to commute for ages from a bad neighbourhood.

There will be more examples to add to your list. Many of them you’re told not too mention: race, gender, income. They will belong on either side of the privilege/need equation.

Being honest with yourself about this is the first step to coaching yourself towards good things, and to relying on your strengths as you work on the weaknesses.

So where do you start seeking yours?

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BRAVE Blog

4 tips for improving your pronunciation

4-tips-improve-foreign-language-pronunciationSo you’ve learned the vocabulary, the grammar, the expressions and the idioms. You’ve practiced and practiced and are feeling confident about your speaking ability, but then when you finally get a chance to practice with a native speaker, they keep asking you to repeat yourself. Why is this? Chances are that you are simply not pronouncing the words correctly.

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BRAVE Blog

What if New Year was every day? (Hint: it is.)

There’s a line in one of my favourite poems that goes like this: “you are a time of poetry which means complete courage to start life anew every second.” 

I’m thinking of the “fresh start” mindset that we get every new year. And how it goes away quickly.  

What if it didn’t? What if you could wake up every day and feel the freshness, the excitement? What if you managed to see the 365 days in front of you in a brand new way, no matter when you looked? 

And, since dates are arbitrary any way – when can you start thinking like this, and what will it take to begin? 

[EDIT: @MartaDziurosz sends this from Oliver Sacks. It’s a simple, difficult read.]

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BRAVE Blog

10 Things Worth Giving Up (not just for Lent)

Treat this list as a menu. Pick and choose the things that would work well with what’s going on in your life. Don’t overdose on giving up – it’s better to pick one or two things and stick to them beyond the initial trial period than to give up all ten for 5-6 days and then revert to the status quo.

And, as always, get in touch if you’ve got something to add to the list.

1. Smoking. I don’t usually do medical advice (check your doctor for that), but I will say this: if you’re still to make this change, you should start with this one. The difference it’s made to my health, budget and well-being is immense. You don’t need a doctor to tell you this: giving up smoking is the best thing you can do.

2. Complaining. How about some constructive conversations? For 40 days, commit to a no-whinge policy. If something bothers you, have a moan – but later say clearly what you’re going to do about it. So “I just hate the Tube in the morning” may turn into “I just hate the Tube in the morning, so I’m switching to cycling now that the weather’s a bit warmer.” And don’t fall for commiserative complaining either – refuse to talk, or steer the chat towards results.

3. Facebook. I’ve got a big story about this coming up, so I won’t go into detail just yet. Here’s the gist of it: for 40 days, use Facebook to make you happier. I can waste 60 minutes jealously spying on my colleagues’ vacation photos, or I can take 5 minutes to see if I can meet an old friend instead. If you’re on Facebook, you know what I mean.

4. Added sugar. Listen to Robert H Lustig. Read this article. Then read the labels on every food you’ve got. How much sugar is there? Why did it take me 10 minutes in a supermarket yesterday to find still water without 3 spoons of sugar in it? I’m currently around people who gave up added sugar and have been at it for over 40 days. They say they never felt better.

5. Porn. Listen to Ran Gavrieli. There’s no diplomatic way of phrasing this, so here goes: too much bad porn can mess up the way you see people. And a porn detox may make you enjoy yourself – and others – a lot more. I’ll just leave it here as a suggestion.

6. News. This one popped into my head yesterday, just after a news reader on the radio wasted 4 minutes of my life: there is absolutely no need for more news in my life. Much like sugar (see above), the information just keeps getting added to everything I consume online. What would happen if you gave up on TV and radio news for a month? Or stopped reading the papers? See for yourself. My guess is: a clearer mind and a better mood.

7. Meetings. Listen to Jason Fried. Read up on Susan Cain. Pump up your email skills. Get that telephone mojo back. Arrange for things to be discussed one-to-one, or via other channels. Cancel all the meetings. If your boss is having none of that, just cancel one meeting a week and see the change it makes – or clear your agenda for one day and see if this improves things. Then come back to them with the evidence that will let you cut back on meetings even more.

8. Austerity. You know what? January is the worst time for resolutions and changing lifestyles, at least on the northern hemisphere. It’s cold and dark and you’re poor. Now you’re in February and wondering whether to make more cuts to your budget, and trim your fun agenda even more. You’re told to watch out, to save up, to focus on the serious work that matters. Well, there’s focus and there’s being miserable. There’s the decision to cut back on sugar (good) and the mindset that tells you that “these are hard times” or “if it feels good, stop.” So this is the point where I tell you: not necessarily. Give up austerity for a while. Read Tara Stiles, if only for this one idea: you make the rules.

9. Multi-tasking. Mainly because it doesn’t work. There is no such thing for human beings. Computers can do it; we can’t. Sorry. If you’re reading this and you’re not a computer, consider giving up the juggling of tasks and try to focus on one thing. One task per hour. One assignment per day. One thing at a time. This may be the hardest thing on this list: once you’re committed, though, I think you will understand the value of such focus. Read up on Leo Babauta’s approach here. And Susan Cain again.

10. Being safe. Read Seth Godin. Figure out what’s going on outside your comfort zone. Try to see the dangers of playing it safe in your current situation – or the benefits of making a daring move. For a few days, try to do one thing daily – at work, when meeting someone, online – that scares you. It doesn’t need to be part of a plan or an agenda – the point is to become a bit more open to the thrill, the uncertainty, the voice that tells you to get out. There is a good place for being safe, don’t get me wrong. There’s need for comfort and safety which just can’t be taken away. But in creative work, in working on new things or making new connections, safe rarely gets you new results. Is it worth tinkering with your “safe” for that reason?

 

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BRAVE Blog

3 fun ways to save your brain from being eaten

1315642022If you think I’m joking about the “eating” part, read on. You can start all these things today.

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BRAVE Blog

3 fun ways to save your brain from being eaten

If you think I’m joking about the “eating” part, read on. You can start all these things today.

I’m writing this inspired by a post I saw on Twitter by the amazing Kimberley Wilson – but also in my capacity as a life coach and a language learner. Finally – I’m writing this because I care about what happens to you as you get older. There have been many stories of people fading away before their strength is all spent. And I believe that you don’t need coaching, therapy or productivity training to be the best you can be: science shows us that simple but regular activities can be fun, beneficial and potentially life-extending. Here are three of them – do let me know if you’ve got more to share!

1. Language learning

Unsurprisingly, this post kicks off with my favourite activity. The research is there: scientist saw brain matter growth in language learners. They saw the potential of bilingual lifestyle for delaying Alzheimer’s. When done everyday and regularly, this exposes you to a multitude of social and cultural stimuli that also help you feel more connected – not something that’s easily measured by science, but something one can appreciate at one’s own pace.
Using your brain to communicate, and to overcome language difficulties – that’s what matters here, and that’s what keeps your brain going. If you start today, it’s great – and it’s never too late to begin!

2. Exercise

This is the “miracle cure” that doctors in the UK are nowadays recommended to prescribe: 30 minutes of any workout you choose, five times a week. Apart from the well-documented health benefits, there’s one that is not often discussed: exercise helps keep your brain strong and healthy.
Unlike language learning (which you can pick up at any age), exercise regimes tend to vary according to how fit and well-trained you already are. But after you’ve heard so much about trying to work out regularly, this is yet another argument for it: your brain benefits as well!

3. Meditation

Early stages for the research into this one – possibly this will be correlated with other healthy things in the meditating folks’ lifestyles? It’s worth looking at the results though: meditation helps your brain.
I wrote about meditation earlier, and every week I seem to hear something new about it. This is just another reason to try it out, it seems – and another way it can help you.

4. The hidden ingredients: Fun and You

Here’s what I really like about these three things: you get to decide how and when to do them. And you decide what feels good, what’s helping, and what to tweak or leave behind.
German grammar tables not your cup of tea? Swap them for lots of conversation until the confidence is there to hit the books again. Meditation feels a bit dull? Yoga can be a nice way to mix up the focus and the exercise. Maybe you haven’t got enough time to do languages and jogging at once? There must be someone willing to have a run with you and chat in a foreign language – even if it’s just over the bluetooth headset!
These aren’t clinical procedures. They aren’t complicated, demanding or prohibitively expensive. Once you start, you are in control of what to do next – what else to try – and when to pause or move on. This is the “You” part, seeking out the fun.

5. What are we missing?

Let us all know. Twitter’s still a good way to reach me – it would be really great to hear of new ways to stop our brains from being eaten!