Embarrassment and shame in language learning

Learning something new is an exciting process, but every learner takes a risk. What if you make a mistake? What if others think it’s funny? Today, I want to talk about embarrassment and shame in language learning. I’m going to explore why these emotions happen, why they slow down your polyglot progress, and how to start dealing with them.

Embarrassment and shame in language learning – why?

When you learn a new language, several things happen all at once. Many of them will be exciting: you learn new words, find out interesting things about a new culture, or make new friends. These are the positive things worth remembering, and we’ll come back to them.

Some things, however, are more difficult to deal with for beginner polyglots. Sometimes, it’s easy to become embarrassed or ashamed when learning a new language. Here are some of the reasons why this happens:

• You suddenly have to start something from scratch – this undermines your confidence.
• You are surrounded by other people who listen to you, or read your written words, as you are trying to communicate.
• The awkwardness is contagious, and many people will react to this by a nervous laughter – this could stress you out even more!
• The things which used to be routine – like asking for a glass of water – now are suddenly difficult again, if they’re in a foreign language.
• Your mouth, voice, and tongue – they all need to do some brand new things to produce new words. It just feels weird.

Why can embarrassment and shame in language learning be a problem?

If these things are so normal and commonplace, then we could ask – why worry about a bit of awkwardness? Isn’t it OK to be embarrassed every now and then, if you’re learning a foreign language? Yes and no.

These emotions are typical for us – we don’t want to lose face, and are keen to preserve our status. But at the same time, they can be a problem for learners.

Teachers and researchers know this well: if you’re ashamed to participate, you are losing out. According to Thomas Newkirk, “embarrassment is the enemy of learning.“

For a language learner, here are some problems this might pose:

• You may refuse to try your language skills in real life.
• You may choose to stay quiet during your class.
• You may decide to give a much shorter answer than what you’re capable of.
• You may decide to simply say “I don’t know” instead of risking an answer.
• Over time, your embarrassment may lead to skipping class, or dropping out altogether.

How can you overcome embarrassment and shame in language learning?

There are some good news for you, if you’re an ashamed polyglot! Teachers, learners, and language speakers have experienced this emotion many times. And they are all really good at dealing with it.

Not only that – you are also really good at dealing with it yourself! In your average day, there may be dozens of situations in which you navigate embarrassment and shame gracefully. And many of the tricks you use in your own language can be also used in the language you are trying to learn.

Here, then, is a short list of ideas and techniques which you can start using to manage embarrassment and shame in language learning.

• Improve your communication strategies. The better you are in coping with the unexpected, the higher your confidence.
• Prepare some stock phrases. Learn how to say “sorry, I only speak a tiny bit of [language]” or something similar. This will justify any mistakes – and get others to help you!
• When you’re with other learners, be supportive, and expect support. It’s never a good idea to laugh at other learners’ typos or mistakes. Instead, make sure you can make other people in your learning group feel valued, welcome, and safe. And make sure others do the same for you.
• Think big, and think long-term. If you mangle one phrase, or forget one simple word, realize this: you will learn thousands of these in the course of your adventure. Mistakes will happen to everyone.
• Work on a growth mindset. There are many ways to re-think mistakes and failure – and this different way of thinking has been called “growth mindset” by authors and researchers. Can your embarrassment and shame turn into steps towards success?
• Embrace the silliness. Yes, some Polish words are ridiculously hard to pronounce. Yes, Italian will be much louder and dynamic than you’re used to. The sooner you begin to get used to these quirks, the more fun you’ll have with your language study.

Have you got any other methods of dealing with embarrassment and shame in language learning?

(Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash)