BRAVE Learning

There’s a line in one of my favourite poems that goes like this: “you are a time of poetry which means complete courage to start life anew every second.” 

I’m thinking of the “fresh start” mindset that we get every new year. And how it goes away quickly.  

What if it didn’t? What if you could wake up every day and feel the freshness, the excitement? What if you managed to see the 365 days in front of you in a brand new way, no matter when you looked? 

And, since dates are arbitrary any way – when can you start thinking like this, and what will it take to begin? 

[EDIT: @MartaDziurosz sends this from Oliver Sacks. It’s a simple, difficult read.]

Treat this list as a menu. Pick and choose the things that would work well with what’s going on in your life. Don’t overdose on giving up – it’s better to pick one or two things and stick to them beyond the initial trial period than to give up all ten for 5-6 days and then revert to the status quo.

And, as always, get in touch if you’ve got something to add to the list.

1. Smoking. I don’t usually do medical advice (check your doctor for that), but I will say this: if you’re still to make this change, you should start with this one. The difference it’s made to my health, budget and well-being is immense. You don’t need a doctor to tell you this: giving up smoking is the best thing you can do.

2. Complaining. How about some constructive conversations? For 40 days, commit to a no-whinge policy. If something bothers you, have a moan – but later say clearly what you’re going to do about it. So “I just hate the Tube in the morning” may turn into “I just hate the Tube in the morning, so I’m switching to cycling now that the weather’s a bit warmer.” And don’t fall for commiserative complaining either – refuse to talk, or steer the chat towards results.

3. Facebook. I’ve got a big story about this coming up, so I won’t go into detail just yet. Here’s the gist of it: for 40 days, use Facebook to make you happier. I can waste 60 minutes jealously spying on my colleagues’ vacation photos, or I can take 5 minutes to see if I can meet an old friend instead. If you’re on Facebook, you know what I mean.

4. Added sugar. Listen to Robert H Lustig. Read this article. Then read the labels on every food you’ve got. How much sugar is there? Why did it take me 10 minutes in a supermarket yesterday to find still water without 3 spoons of sugar in it? I’m currently around people who gave up added sugar and have been at it for over 40 days. They say they never felt better.

5. Porn. Listen to Ran Gavrieli. There’s no diplomatic way of phrasing this, so here goes: too much bad porn can mess up the way you see people. And a porn detox may make you enjoy yourself – and others – a lot more. I’ll just leave it here as a suggestion.

6. News. This one popped into my head yesterday, just after a news reader on the radio wasted 4 minutes of my life: there is absolutely no need for more news in my life. Much like sugar (see above), the information just keeps getting added to everything I consume online. What would happen if you gave up on TV and radio news for a month? Or stopped reading the papers? See for yourself. My guess is: a clearer mind and a better mood.

7. Meetings. Listen to Jason Fried. Read up on Susan Cain. Pump up your email skills. Get that telephone mojo back. Arrange for things to be discussed one-to-one, or via other channels. Cancel all the meetings. If your boss is having none of that, just cancel one meeting a week and see the change it makes – or clear your agenda for one day and see if this improves things. Then come back to them with the evidence that will let you cut back on meetings even more.

8. Austerity. You know what? January is the worst time for resolutions and changing lifestyles, at least on the northern hemisphere. It’s cold and dark and you’re poor. Now you’re in February and wondering whether to make more cuts to your budget, and trim your fun agenda even more. You’re told to watch out, to save up, to focus on the serious work that matters. Well, there’s focus and there’s being miserable. There’s the decision to cut back on sugar (good) and the mindset that tells you that “these are hard times” or “if it feels good, stop.” So this is the point where I tell you: not necessarily. Give up austerity for a while. Read Tara Stiles, if only for this one idea: you make the rules.

9. Multi-tasking. Mainly because it doesn’t work. There is no such thing for human beings. Computers can do it; we can’t. Sorry. If you’re reading this and you’re not a computer, consider giving up the juggling of tasks and try to focus on one thing. One task per hour. One assignment per day. One thing at a time. This may be the hardest thing on this list: once you’re committed, though, I think you will understand the value of such focus. Read up on Leo Babauta’s approach here. And Susan Cain again.

10. Being safe. Read Seth Godin. Figure out what’s going on outside your comfort zone. Try to see the dangers of playing it safe in your current situation – or the benefits of making a daring move. For a few days, try to do one thing daily – at work, when meeting someone, online – that scares you. It doesn’t need to be part of a plan or an agenda – the point is to become a bit more open to the thrill, the uncertainty, the voice that tells you to get out. There is a good place for being safe, don’t get me wrong. There’s need for comfort and safety which just can’t be taken away. But in creative work, in working on new things or making new connections, safe rarely gets you new results. Is it worth tinkering with your “safe” for that reason?

 

If you think I’m joking about the “eating” part, read on. You can start all these things today.

I’m writing this inspired by a post I saw on Twitter by the amazing Kimberley Wilson – but also in my capacity as a life coach and a language learner. Finally – I’m writing this because I care about what happens to you as you get older. There have been many stories of people fading away before their strength is all spent. And I believe that you don’t need coaching, therapy or productivity training to be the best you can be: science shows us that simple but regular activities can be fun, beneficial and potentially life-extending. Here are three of them – do let me know if you’ve got more to share!

1. Language learning

Unsurprisingly, this post kicks off with my favourite activity. The research is there: scientist saw brain matter growth in language learners. They saw the potential of bilingual lifestyle for delaying Alzheimer’s. When done everyday and regularly, this exposes you to a multitude of social and cultural stimuli that also help you feel more connected – not something that’s easily measured by science, but something one can appreciate at one’s own pace.
Using your brain to communicate, and to overcome language difficulties – that’s what matters here, and that’s what keeps your brain going. If you start today, it’s great – and it’s never too late to begin!

2. Exercise

This is the “miracle cure” that doctors in the UK are nowadays recommended to prescribe: 30 minutes of any workout you choose, five times a week. Apart from the well-documented health benefits, there’s one that is not often discussed: exercise helps keep your brain strong and healthy.
Unlike language learning (which you can pick up at any age), exercise regimes tend to vary according to how fit and well-trained you already are. But after you’ve heard so much about trying to work out regularly, this is yet another argument for it: your brain benefits as well!

3. Meditation

Early stages for the research into this one – possibly this will be correlated with other healthy things in the meditating folks’ lifestyles? It’s worth looking at the results though: meditation helps your brain.
I wrote about meditation earlier, and every week I seem to hear something new about it. This is just another reason to try it out, it seems – and another way it can help you.

4. The hidden ingredients: Fun and You

Here’s what I really like about these three things: you get to decide how and when to do them. And you decide what feels good, what’s helping, and what to tweak or leave behind.
German grammar tables not your cup of tea? Swap them for lots of conversation until the confidence is there to hit the books again. Meditation feels a bit dull? Yoga can be a nice way to mix up the focus and the exercise. Maybe you haven’t got enough time to do languages and jogging at once? There must be someone willing to have a run with you and chat in a foreign language – even if it’s just over the bluetooth headset!
These aren’t clinical procedures. They aren’t complicated, demanding or prohibitively expensive. Once you start, you are in control of what to do next – what else to try – and when to pause or move on. This is the “You” part, seeking out the fun.

5. What are we missing?

Let us all know. Twitter’s still a good way to reach me – it would be really great to hear of new ways to stop our brains from being eaten!

After a few start-then-stop attempts and several good streaks, last night as I took off my headphones and checked into Coach.me I realized one thing. It’s been six weeks since I decided to spend 10 minutes every evening on meditation – and during these six weeks, I didn’t miss one evening. I started thinking about changes it helped me achieve. Whether you’re coaching or coached, meditation will do things to you: here’s what it did to me.

(If you’re keen to start straight away, scroll to the bottom of this post for a link to a kick-start worksheet)

Please note: your results will vary. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable doing. Don’t do stupid things either: drivers and crane operators, think twice before meditating on duty, etc. This is a personal account: check with your doctors/dear ones for possible results of anything you’re likely to start doing.

1. Everything you read is probably right…

Seth Godin was right about deciding to do things daily. Tara Stiles was right about the “space that opens up” with every breath when you meditate. Countless articles about sitting down and breathing – Leo Babauta‘s, everyone else’s – they were all correct. Unless you read some super-advanced or super-cosmic stuff, the research about meditation checks out. And yet…

2. …And yet it’s all a lot more personal

The best way to describe a good 10-minute meditation session came to my mind just after I got up from my mat and untangled myself from the blanket, halfway through January: it’s like giving yourself a nice big hug. This is not really something you read in every single research paper on mindfulness. But this is exactly the reason why I’d recommend people to try this at least a few times. You may not live forever, or improve your memory, or achieve any of the remarkable benefits attributed to those who meditate. But you will get your own feel-good moments. Mine were self-inflicted hugs, and that’s good enough for me.
Speaking of good sessions: let’s clarify two things next.

3. I absolutely, positively suck at meditation sometimes…

Three coffees down the hatch. Then delicious dinner with wine and great company. Then an hour-long performance which was like nothing I’d seen before – and a pretty crowded Tube ride home before I start preparing for the business trip the following morning. In the midst of it, a ten-minute sliver of time in which I sit an breathe.
You’d be forgiven for thinking this was not the most enlightening moments of transcendent focus ever. No sir. It was most likely a break in a hectic day, a chance to see where my ideas are going and to put it all on hold before I get ready to sleep.
These days will happen, and I am well aware of that. What you expect from a Londoner on a Friday evening will be different than the kind of performance to expect from a buddhist monk on a lonely summer night.
But that’s not the whole story.

4. …But I’m in it for the long run

Every one of these forty-something sessions was at least 10 minutes long. This means well over 400 minutes in the course of six weeks. It means that I had a chance, every day, to do something relaxing and refreshing for ten minutes. And that every day I took this chance.
Not every session left me feeling happier and more energized. But I realize that day after day these minutes add up. And that the habit which now is beginning to form will be one of the best things that happens to me. So instead of kicking myself over not being focused enough on a Friday night, I’d just smile and remember the little changes, and the long haul – there’s no way I’m stopping now.

5. Meditation won’t improve the life you have…

Six weeks ago, I was a young guy with lots of ideas, living in a monstrously big city and working on several things at once. I drank plenty of coffee and tried to find enough energy to do things which excited me. I had my problems, my worries and my little victories.
After six weeks of meditation – surprise surprise, drum roll please – I am exactly the same kind of guy.
This is one thing worth mentioning. Meditation won’t change your life forever. If you ask an over-achieving businesswoman to take ten minutes out of her schedule to meditate, she will still have a hell of a schedule each side of this break. If you’re in debt, you’ll still be in debt when you start meditating.
So what’s the use?

6. …But it can help you notice how things can move around

Here’s the use I found for meditation.
Because my thoughts tended to flow super wildly in the evening, I found it easier to write stuff down just before I sat down to focus. So the meditation habit quickly connected with the diary-writing habit. And once I noticed I’m doing that, I became less worried about losing an idea – since they tended to pop into my head when writing the pre-meditation diary.
Since my meditation is in the evening, I now think more carefully about what else I’ve got planned for the night. Usually I take care to sort things out online and around the house before I sit down. This makes it easier to focus without remembering something I forgot to do. And this, in turn, means more time in the morning and less rush.
It’s a habit, just like any other. You are taught and advised (sagely) to work on one habit at a time. This makes sense – but the habit will never work in isolation.
Meditating allowed me to see how other things connect, and to figure out how to move the connections in the right direction.

BONUS: Meditation kickstart resource list

BRAVE Academy now has a resource list which will help you kick-start your meditation habit. Check it out for a quick and easy way to start. Hope you enjoy it!