This is a quick note inspired by an exercise I did for myself the other day. It is connected with long-term thinking, but also with the prices and money matters connected with learning foreign languages. I’m going to give you a few ideas about how to budget for your bilingual education – but I’m happy to hear yours!
The guy on the Tube looked at me and asked “do you want to sit down, mate?” – I use a walking cane for my foot injury these days. I said no, thanks – so he looked around and gave up his seat to a pregnant lady.
On my way from the Tube station, I saw a guy kneeling beside a car and changing a wheel for a family who didn’t know how to it.
And one more thing, one that happens on the Tube every day: a free newspaper with a column in which people thank other people for being kind to them. There’s a name for those situations: “random acts of kindness.” And I think that is not a fair name to apply here.
1. True Random and pretty evil
There are some games which depend purely on luck. There is nothing you can do about the outcome of roulette (unless you count the tricks that get you kicked out of casinos). Flipping a coin gives you either a good or a bad result. You win or you lose. And even this is an overstatement: you did nothing to deserve a win or a lose – the result is purely arbitrary. This, to me, is what “random” really means.
Then, there are some games in which the world is purely evil. You enter the next level and have to go through it alive, despite dozens of bad guys, monsters or traps. There is no randomness there – video games are actually pretty good at artificial intelligence – but there’s plenty of simulated malice. You’re the good guy and the evil world is out to get you.
I’m mentioning this because it helps us look at kindness again.
2. Kind and automatic
It usually takes a loud thump and scream a fraction of a second to reach your ears – and you instantly rush to the other room to see whether someone needs help, whether they dropped something or hurt themselves.
On a larger scale, it usually takes only a few hours after people become aware of a disaster for charity aid to start working. Bank accounts are filling up. Blood donors are queueing up. Appeals for help become coordinated. Things begin to look less terrifying, a bit more manageable. (Read Biz Stone’s book for how this worked out when people started using Twitter)
This is kind, and different from the “true random” scenario above. You cannot control earthquakes or tsunamis yet – but the heartwarming fact is the automatic response that tends to kick in to help those in need. This is automatic kindness – still, there’s something more behind it.
3. Mindful acts of kindness
Think about that guy on the Tube with me. He saw me standing there, he asked if I needed a seat. I didn’t. He looked around and saw that pregnant lady. So she got his seat.
If you think that’s simple, you have clearly never ridden on a Tube during rush hour. And even if the surroundings were more pleasant, it still took a lot of noticing for that seat to become available – for the final outcome to be kindness.
That guy later, who helped change the tire, might have decided to do so himself or he might have been approached by someone from the family. But still, it took some deliberation before he decided to help. And when he did, he didn’t just stand there and instruct others grumpily: he got his hands dirty so that the family could drive on.
This is my point here: these acts of kindness were not random. Even if the thinking behind them took a second – even if they seemed instantaneous – they happened because someone decided to be kind.
So why the phrase? Why “random” goes with “kindness” so often?
4. Back to being your own hero
There’s one more thing that happened down the road from the Tube station (hey, it’s a busy street, and crowded). A guy walked out of the shop and looked around before walking on – straight in my cane-wielding, bravely-limping path. All he got from me as he tried to swerve and avoid me was a stare and a frown. I marched on and didn’t care if he was scared, embarrassed or annoyed by my marching on.
See, this is where I tend to spend a lot of time: in my own story, my own plot – my own level of a game to complete. I’m the point of view, and getting to work is my quest. This bloke just happened – and messed up my path. Clearly a baddie, an obstacle, like dozen others in my way before the day is gloriously over…
When you’re out to achieve, when you’re focused on what you do and feel, others tend to be playing very small parts. Maybe others don’t tend to play as humans at all. So when a kind act happens, you’re surprised. It’s unexpected. It’s out of the blue – normally the opposite thing happens to you, or nobody cares at all. It’s kind and random. Or so it seems.
It’s not random, and that’s the amazing thing. Someone looks around and notices things. Someone has an idea: “I can help out here.” And acts on that idea. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it happens to you.
5. The homework
Try to notice 3 good and nice things people around you do. No matter how small or big these things are, just try to get three of those kind moments. Pay attention to the gestures, the tone of their voice if there’s speech involved – focus on their facial expressions, see what they do afterwards and how the other person reacts – again, try to get to what they look like, what they say, how they sound.
If you can’t get to notice those with other people, hey – you’re just going to have to instigate those kind moments yourself!
The key in this exercise is to realise one thing: there’s a lot of interaction, thinking and conscious focus happening behind every kind action. And calling it “random” is just a cop-out, really.
For the past few days, I’ve been learning German again, and this time more new elements have fallen into place. This is just a quick re-cap of how I’m doing. Remember – my goal is not learning fast. It’s learning by maximizing resources, and language learning on a budget. Here are seven tools I’m using to accomplish this.
(This review was first shared on Hugdug. If you’re planning to buy this book, get it there so we can support its charity of the month. Thanks!)
I got this book from my father – with a request to read through it and to withhold judgment. He knows me well enough to suspect a raised eyebrow every time the word “spiritual” appears on a book cover.
I read through it, and I withheld judgment.
Here’s the thing I just have to admire about this book: it’s one of the sources of strength for my dad. It helped him out of some dark places, and it keeps him strong. For him, it’s a tool that worked, and I can testify to how effective it’s been for him so far.
There is a big misunderstanding around the word “spiritual,” fueled – no doubt – by those who shout the loudest. The Road…has been around for 25+ years, quietly stating what it believes to be true. And for five of those years, it’s been helping my father make sense of things.
Go and take a good look at this book. It changed the way I think about love. For you, it could do a different thing. It might not work at all, until you pass it on to someone who needs it.
It’s not usual for me to spend a lot of time on Facebook, writing birthday wishes – usually a quick note says enough. Today I felt like researching this some more. I knew the recipient adored Jane Austen. In no time at all, I came across this brilliant quote.
There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails,human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.
All it took was a quick read, a copy-and-paste – the epitome of a brief Facebook interaction. But I ended up thinking about this quote, and wishing to remember it myself. That’s what I think of now.
As kids, me and my brother tended to wish our family what we ourselves wanted for Christmas or birthdays. This does not really change much. The first thing on our mind – and, if we rehearse or research the text, our first line of inquiry – tends to be what we desire.
Can you think about it the next time you’re tasked with coming up with nice wishes for someone? Acknowledge whether you would also wish this for yourself – and how you can get to make that wish come true.
There is no way I could write a different post today. The election results made me angry, frustrated and motivated at the same time. The thing I know best – foreign languages – turns out to be a political device, as powerful as any other. If you think you’re only learning a foreign language for fun, move on – but it you agree that things can change when languages are shared and used, I’d love to hear your thoughts.